Wednesday, July 10, 2002
Wednesday, July 10, 2002So much second guessing. sometimes its right, sometimes its wrong. but rights and wrongs dont necessarily have to be derived from careful calculations. sometimes, your heart sings whats right before youre able to ask the question. allow yourself to bask in what you know, forget what you dont know. bask in the moment. and sometimes, what matters is how you lived it.
its like when people ask me if im ready for a test... i dont know what i dont know! so i wouldnt know! but what can i do now while im standing outside the room? i try not to panic over anticipation for the unknown. i just make the best preparation with whats at hand. dont get me wrong, im a complete worrier. but dont get too carried away sometimes is all im sayin! smell more daisies! [if yall dont konw what thats referenced to, you should be ashamed. find the piece and read it.] dont be so paranoid and maybe you will actually have a little fun in the process too. :)
So much second guessing. calculating, manipulating, assigning values to the people in our lives, the events which occur and at ourselves. all this manipulating so we can get a peace of mind. cant we just try and let things be sometimes, does it always have to go our way? maybe instead of changing what is, we should change our close minded mentality. why are we all so scared of? being wrong? its not automatic that if youre wrong youre shunned. being alone? we're only as alone as we feel. loneliness is a feeling, not a state. and all this preparation, could it all be in vain? are we missing the real value behind the faces?
we'd like to feel we're always in control.
whether this makes you more secure about you as a person, or offers you some sort of security in your life, or blahblahblah, i dont know.
and, we want to secure our futures. or, by securing this moment, we have somehow done our best to secure the next, whatever it might bring.
but if we live each moment securing ourselves in our present situation... doesnt that seem superficial? and if even we cannot learn to love and accept ourselves, who can? and if someone else does, would they know us better than we've known ourselves?
and what is the point of living each moment hoping for the security the next? can our only utility be from the satisfaction of security? or is that a means to something else. after we pin down security, we can move on to enjoying something bigger? there will always be something we dont know, so be more humble!
i guess my thesis is, i think this whole theory is bogus. and more credit should be given to what you DO know NOW. and there is also something to be said for intuition; that, and romanticism.
maybe im just finding excuses to justify being a romantic in a blackandwhite society. but i still like believing.
i guess this is how i am when im sober and taking philosophy. :)
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